Global Domination

Audio Autopsy - June 2008

01/06/08  ||  Global Domination

Hail Of Bullets: ...Of frost and war

8/10

Lord K: I love Martin van Drunen. One of death metal’s greatest vocalists ever. I also love Ed Warby. One of metal’s finest drummers ever. With those 2 forces in the same band you know you are in for a treat. Hell, these guys could probably record a dancing turd and it would still be good. Hail Of Bullets’ debut album is a fine piece of sludgy death metal that I have covered in full here. 8

Kampfar: I still haven’t heard through all the albums featured in this month’s AA but I’m nonetheless fucking sure “Of war and frost” deserve the very top spot. This is fucking excellent death metal, both churning and ripping, and of course with one of the best death metal vocalists ever. Fuck, Van Drunen has such a distinct and ace vomitgrowl, even Comecon could do nothing but turn out good (for one album). I hail the bullets. 9

Hanging Limbs: The music is good, but “…Of Frost and War” is made better by the fact that their vocalist sounds like a psychotic Lemmy and they have the heaviest, most crushing buzzsaw production I think I’ve ever heard. 7

Stephen Fallen: Great production, great drumming, great vision, great vocals, great, great, great. The hype for HoB around the GD campfire has been considerable, but it’s completely deserved. 8

Abyss: As I’m one of the five people in the world previously unaware of Martin van Drunen and his vocal chords you could say that I was a tad perplexed when Hail Of Bullets released their first demo. Now, a full-length later, I couldn’t dream about having “Ordered Eastward” (best intro in a long fucking time) or “Inferno at the Carpathian Mountains” sung by anyone who doesn’t sound like he’s throwing up after each syllable. Best fucking album, together with Opeth, this month. 8

Seker: It’s a death metal concept album about WWII featuring the talents of Martin van Drunen and Ed Warby. What more could you ask for? This album grinds, blasts, and tramples over the competition with such sheer negative force that it ought to be illegal, or at least a controlled substance. It’s good to see that some of the old guard can still slay. 8

Testament: The formation of damnation

6.8/10

Lord K: A return to form? Hardly. When they thrash, they thrash real good. It’s just a shame they don’t thrash often enough these days. But hey, they still deliver competent metal by all means. Exodus is way better though. 6

Kampfar: Testament, Metallica, Slayer and Anthrax (with Megadeth sobbing in the background) was once thought of as the ultimate thrash line-up, not anymore. Blame it on the rest, mow ‘em down for all I care, “The formation of damnation” namely kicks fucking ass. 8

Hanging Limbs: I did not expect the first album of new material since “The Gathering” to tear up this much face. The songs are razor sharp and about as ferocious as a thrash band gets without crossing into death metal. This might be Testament’s best lineup (although “The Gathering” had some real winners) and their finest moment. Time to break out “The New Order” and rediscover these thrash legends. 8

Stephen Fallen: This is an excellent thrash album with some of the most idiotic lyrics I’ve ever heard. And yeah, I know this is metal and Rule #3 in the metal handbook is, “Ignore the lyrics”. For some reason though, I can’t get past how childish Chuck Billy sounds. It’s like, dude, you’re 40, don’t you have anything more interesting to say? “The Evil Has Landed”, a rousing anthem about 9/11, is just embarrassing. It’s the sort of thing I’d expect from Toby Keith, not my favorite Bay Area thrashers. 6

Abyss: Asswhopping thrash by those who are old enough to know what the fuck it’s about. Not quite as magnificent as “The Gathering” (the album, not the band, idiots) but fully on par with most other thrash-releases in the past nine years. For further elaborations, see my proper review. 8

Seker: Testament were never the best thrash/speed/whatever band on the block, and this album is no exception to that rule. You might want to check this out, but you should probably get “The New Order” or “Souls of Black” first. 5

Opeth: Watershed

6.7/10

Lord K: When Opeth do their death metal parts they are close to untouchable. When they do their acoustic stuff I become bored, at least most of the time. Nonetheless, this is everything you know and love with Opeth. And therefor they remain at the same level as always with me. By the way, there’s only one band that can write long hymns that kills everything. We are called The Project hate MCMXCIX. Fucko. 7

Kampfar: I’m not entirely sure, as I am no expert on this band, but I’m pretty sure “Watershed” (read: “Lotus eater”) is the first time Opeth ever included blasts in their repertoire. A fine album this, utter quality for sure, the only nagger being the metal getting few and far between as the album progress. I was thinking of handing out one point higher, but the increasing lullaby character made me hold back. 8

Hanging Limbs: Aren’t people tired of the Opeth thing already? Thirteen years later and Mikael is still overwriting, but unfortunately he’s not writing “Demon of the Fall” or “To Bid You Farewell” anymore. Still, I appreciate that they are playing mostly metal again and truth be told, this is an extremely well executed album. I doubt I’ll buy it, though, which means it’s not as good as anything pre-“Still Life”. 7

Stephen Fallen: My feelings on this one are mixed. I was hoping that “Watershed” would be the album on which Opeth finally broke away from their decade old formula. It is… kinda. These songs don’t feel as copy/pasted as some of their previous material and that’s good. The band has also opted for an organic, live sound, and I like that too. Many of these songs lack direction and urgency though. It’s as if in the attempt to reduce repetitiveness, the band didn’t have enough creative juice to fill up those traditional 10-minute chunks of airtime. Sometimes you need to take a step backward in order to move forward and I think “Watershed” is just that, a step back in quality that will pay dividends down the road. 6

Abyss: Possibly the best Opeth-album since “My arms, your hearse” and definitely equally as good as “Deliverance”. The grandeur is in the details, give it time and “Watershed” will reveal itself like a virgin after four Gin Tonic’s. 9

Seker: Omigod it’s so awesome that I want to cream my pants and cry and shit… oh wait, it’s just Opeth. Never mind then. Did you see that awesome use of contrast I just typed? Well, imagine that, but for three fucking hours. Quiet/LOUD/Quiet/LOUD, FUCKING GENIUS! Now I’m gonna go flip a light switch on and off for a few days. 3

Coldworker: Rotting paradise

6.7/10

Lord K: Coldworker’s second album is another really fine display of grinding’n‘slashing death metal. All the way from the “Reign in blood” theft for the cover to the great sounding production by Dan Swanö, Coloradoworker’s got their shit nailed down real well, as shown already on the debut. “Rotting paradise” feels more mature compared to its predecessor, but I couldn’t hum a song by these guys if my life depended on it. That doesn’t mean it’s any less killer. Coz killer is exactly what it is. 8

Kampfar: Coldworker is, as pointed out by others, a shit moniker. Their music, which is a safe variant of death/grind, isn’t. But I’m far from turning into one of their avid fans, as they often resort to tricks and treats I’ve heard a thousand times already. This works when the (grind) band at hand is heart-failure inducing angry, not so here. Safe as condoms made out of truck tires to say them here Swedes have little to call their own. Put simple, the sound of Coldworker is good but with little character. 6

Hanging Limbs: Above average death metal that does little to push the envelope, but is still a solid album that hits hard in all the right places. 7

Stephen Fallen: Look, it’s another solid death metal outing for Coldworker. I’m not inspired to think of adjectives beyond “brutal”, but it’s still a good listen. 6

Abyss: Coldworker’s second album proves to be everything their debut was, only without the minor flaws. Yes kids, that means that “Rotting paradise” kicks fucking ass on all levels. Vocals, guitars, drums, bass, it’s all there. 7

Seker: Coldworker is a shitty name, but the music is kinda okay deathy grindy blasty stuff. Not great, not terrible. A bit too modern, but then again, I always say that. Pinch harmonics, fuck off. 5

Ihsahn: angL

5.8/10

Lord K: When it comes to post-Emperor bands, I prefer Zyklon. Ihsahn’s one fucken talented dude though, there’s no denying that. This pretentious album will take some time to devour in its fullest, but it feels like I’m up for the task. It might very well be a grower. With that said, “angL” gets a: 7

Kampfar: Ihsahn is extreme metal’s very own definition of pretentiousness, period. Anyway, Ihsahn is not making a fool out of himself here, as “angL” (pretto) contains many nice moments. Expertly crafted, but I’m not entirely into the pottery, which is progressive, not so extreme, metal. 6

Hanging Limbs: Ihsahn is one of the most talented men in metal and it shows on each album he puts out, even if they aren’t always that good. This disc is a great showcase of his songwriting ability and his ever-improving voice. That said, I miss Emperor. 7

Stephen Fallen: I honestly haven’t spent enough time with this album to say anything insightful about it. Ihsahn is an interesting artist and there’s more meat on these bones than I can properly pick in a listen or two. My knee jerk impression is cautious optimism. There’s a chance that, in a few months time, I will really like this album. Right now, it’s a strong: 7

Abyss: I really like Ihsahn, I like his artistic integrity, his past work in Emperor and Peccatum and I liked “The Adversary”. Unfortunately I’m not sure I like “angL”. Spliced up into separate parts all the songs have good elements that make sense, but put together there’s a bit too much disparities in the flow and feel of the songs. This is still 4 times better then most “experimental progressive” extreme metal, but that is sorta like saying that eating feces is “kinda unpleasant”. I’m still on the fence, I give it a friendly rating for now. 6

Seker: shT sandwcH. 2

Grave: Dominion VIII

5.8/10

Lord K: When I heard this album the first time at vocalist/guitarist Ola’s place, the production didn’t sound this weird, by far. It’s like someone put a huge, thick blanket over everything. Imagine inserting cotton into yer ears before listening to any given album and you are close to what I’m aiming for here. At least I guess it can be described as “raw” and “old school”. The material is ok though. Naturally nothing like their first 3 classics, ofcourse not, but Grave are holding up their death metal well. It’s a damn shame that the production kinda kills it, coz it would have been so much better and deserving of a higher score if it was a hella lot more polished than what is present here. “Bloodpath” kills though. 6

Kampfar: Grave’s formula was fine-tuned around “Soulless” already, “Hating life” the only real deviation from it. Anyway, “Dominion VIII” is a fine piece of death, with punch and power to boost, though this sort-of jaded twat find their formula a bit boring, same as with Dismember and their patented take on the style. I respect both, of course I do, but prefer their old albums if I am to indulge myself. 7

Hanging Limbs: “Hi, we’re Grave and we play death metal music. We hope you enjoy it”. Better than Deicide, but so is getting sawed in half. -1 for releasing an album that sounds like I blew a speaker. 5

Stephen Fallen: Solid, unspectacular death metal. On one hand, there’s a million other albums out there, everyone one of them as good as this one. On the other hand, this is the one I’m listening to right now and I’m enjoying it as I do all good death metal. 5

Abyss: Fat, filthy and fucking unchanging, that’s Grave in a nutshell and we love it, yes. Like fellow countrymen Dismember and Unleashed there’s not a whole lot of keyboards and symphonic opera vocals to be found on “Dominion VIII”, but Grave manages to take the same old riffs and twist them into new songs without making them sound old. I look forward to having them obliterate me when they open for Vader in the fall. 7

Seker: Well, they should have stopped at “Dominion IV” or so, but I guess I’d rather listen to the new Grave than the new Cryptopsy. Heard “You’ll never see”? It’s like that, but not as awesome. 5

Textures: Silhouettes

5.7/10

Lord K: A new acquaintance, this one. Textures is another band in the bunch who want to be real special, and at times they kinda succeed. Look elsewhere for brutality, look elsewhere for trve, grim and necro. Look at Textures for some fine display of musicianship and some decent music. 6

Kampfar: I have been aware of Textures for years already, though I have never bothered to sit down and take a good long listen to their shit before now. Maybe I should have, for what I hear is some fine tech-metal, meaning “Silhouettes” only contains small amounts of (cock) cheese and worthless wankery. Then again, the vocals could and should have been better. Too much of a core edge as of now, and I’m not talking Driller Killer core. Oh no, more in the vein of fucking Hatebreed. And, it wouldn’t hurt if they ditched their softest moments altogether. 7

Hanging Limbs: These guys have the talent and songwriting potential to be huge in the metal scene. Unfortunately, they get lost in the abstract and devote way too much time to their wannabe-FM radio clean vocals. Focus grasshopper… riff more like “State of Disobedience”… and ye shall receive a higher score. 6

Stephen Fallen: There are moments where I get strong Devin Townsend vibes from Textures. And it’s Dev done well, so you can bet I’m digging those parts. The rest of album is pretty mediocre, but there’s a certain overall radness that will bring me back to “Silhouettes” at least a few times post-AA. 6

Abyss: These dutch fuckers impressed me with “Drawing circles”, but I had a feeling they needed a massive kick in the ass in order to not sound lazy and unimaginative on their next album. My feeling was right, this isn’t nearly as interesting as “Drawing circles”. Maybe it’s the Dream Theater-vibes I get from time to time. We all know Dream Theater sucks. 5

Seker: Semi-catchy Eurodeath named after a Cynic song. Pretty much what you’d expect, only with terrible vocals. 4

Mourning Beloveth: A disease for the ages

5.2/10

Lord K: The day a doom band apart from Solitude Aeternus and old Candlemass actually catch my interest is the day when I will start growing old Nintendo games out of my arse. 3

Kampfar: “A disease for the ages” becomes a disease for your ears after two songs or so, and that because the band at hand found it wise to make the same song 5 times over. Hell, wouldn’t be surprised if they have done so for the whole of their career. I sure like me some doom, even some of what Mourning Beloveth has to offer, but, even though the riffs are heavy and the growls pretty mighty, my brain says meh. If you dig My boring bride, be sure to pop Valium and indulge yerself. 5

Hanging Limbs: Like most doom metal, Mourning Beloveth is pretty boring and you have to be in the mood for them. Unlike most doom metal bands, Mourning Beloveth is actually melodic and memorable enough to warrant a second listen. Swallow The Sun still leads the pack, but these guys are worth your time. 6

Stephen Fallen: Some doom or whatever. It’s springtime, cheer up and go for a bike ride or something. 5

Abyss: Irish doom, not something I’m used to hearing since IRA accepted their last ceasefire. None the less I find that Mourning Beloveth definitely have shit going for them. A decent growler (a bit heavy on the Stainthorpe in the growls), nice basswork and a heap of bleak guitar harmonies. Nice work. 6

Seker: This is some sorta okay doom metal stuff from the land of Primordial and potato blights. It’s definitely not “a death/doom colossus beyond comparison” (they must have gotten these guys mixed up with Asphyx), but it’s not too bad, especially compared to the absolute shit I’ve had to review before it. 6

Kalmah: For the revolution

4/10

Lord K: Heard at McDonalds: “Can I have a Happy Me(t)al, please?”. 4

Kampfar: Norther is Children Of Bodom light, Kalmah is Children Of Bodom heavy, and both should disband already. Sure, the music on “For the revolution” is well-played, produced and executed, but I still wouldn’t care if this lot got electrocuted. Spare from the dude doing the solos that is. 3

Hanging Limbs: I doubt this will be liked around here, but fuck “around here”. Kalmah is melodic, catchy, and fun. Fuck the haters, I wanna play. 7

Stephen Fallen: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. 4

Abyss: Death metal from the land of knives and saunas, and since it’s not Atakhama you can bet your ass that there’s a happy go lucky jolly sort of vibe to the melodies, no matter how much blasting and growling going on. And then the huumpa-beats start… Something’s wrong with the Finnish DNA. 4

Seker: More like for the revolution… in sucking ass! Or, more accurately, for the revolution… in complete melodeath, melancholic mediocrity! So, for the revolution in sucking ass then. 2

Destinity: The inside

3.7/10

Lord K: Can someone please trigger the kicks a little and put them higher in the mix? I’m not the least irritated as it is, oh no… And while at it, please insert some fantastically annoying electronics and the obligatory clean shit vocals. Please? After that, can you please, Destinity, take your fucken shit moniker, your shit production, your hideously cheating drummer (who’s not completely shit, but still hideous), your shit album and your shitty Year 2000 Metal Songs For The Kids and go fuck yourselves? Thank you. Much appreciated. 3

Kampfar: Destinity deserves praise for sporting aggression in their melodic death, though their dictionary needs a check. Fuck it. Destinity sounds like a mix of (later era) Hypocrisy and Darkane, all sprinkled with a healthy dose of French creativity. Like it or not. I fucking do, ‘cause here is proper energy, talent and general know-how at display. Some of the keys and effects sound a bit cheesy, I admit. Fuck Eurovision. 7

Hanging Limbs: These guys are pretty damn talented and deliver a slightly superior album, but have absolutely no soul. King Diamond probably stole it, but at least he said “please”. 6

Stephen Fallen: Oh dear. 3

Abyss: Again with the fucking French!! Who the fuck gave them permission to become the new Poland? And with that I don’t mean that they fold under pressure faster than you can say “The Ribbentrop-Molotov Pact”, no, I mean that they, for no reason, become a goldmine for great death and black metal bands. Destinity, shoddy name aside, falls under the former category and with some hints of Meshuggah technicality and pissed off The Haunted thrash, I can’t but help dig this. Best thing about “The inside” is the razorsharp songwriting and composing. 7

Seker: There’s only a couple million bands that sound like this. When I threw this shit on, I thought “Fuck you Sweden!”, but then I researched the band and I was all “Fuck you France!”, so fuck you France. Fuck you in your AIDS infested, synthy, thrash poophole. 2

Cryptopsy: The unspoken king

3.5/10

Lord K: It took quite some time, but with “The unspoken penis” Cryptopsy (previously pronounced crap-poop-sy) have almost become listenable. The ex-fans are stark raving pissed about some of the directions the band have taken with this one, which is understandable since Cryptopsy fans expect nothing but gravity blasts (one of the silliest names for a blastbeat ever) and shit songs. The good thing in all of this is that I was never a fan and can appreciate this “new” Cryptopsy more than any older version. 5

Kampfar: “The unspoken king” could very well, judged by the negative reactions, be named the “ABC of how to lose all your fucking fans”. I must admit the samples they released weren’t exactly ace, but the full deal reveals a Flo still beating the shit out of his drums. So, not exactly Killswitch Engage this. A shame about the horrid clean vocals, but apart from that I find much to like here, dig even. 8

Hanging Limbs: For the record, Cryptopsy did not sell out with this record. They are still the same shitty band that they’ve been for some time, only now the vocals suck and someone with a vagina plays keyboards. Good guess, but no, it’s not Flo. 3

Stephen Fallen: I was kinda surprised to learn that Cryptopsy actually had fans to rebel against this new sound. It’s been 10 years since “None So Vile” and this band has done nothing of note in the interim. This is a shitty album, where previous ones were merely forgettable. In a strange way, that’s a step up, because at least I’ll remember this turd and the shitstorm that surrounded its release. 2

Abyss: “A guide on how to alienate your fanbase in 38 seconds”, courtesy of Cryptopsy:

1. Start “Bemoan the martyr” of Cryptopsy’s latest album.
2. Let play for 38 seconds.
3. Kill yourself.

I’ve never liked this band and despite changing style, I still don’t. Two points for musical skills galore. 2

Seker: You know how gay new Kataklysm is when you compare it to old Kataklysm? There’s an even bigger gayness gap between old and new Cryptopsy, and it sure as hell ain’t working in this album’s favor. 1

Angel Blake: The descended

3.2/10

Lord K: Take a pinch of Katatonia minus the excellent moody feelings they incorporate into their music. And Katatonia don’t have as much vagina, though maybe that’s debatable when you think about it. Then take a slab of competent but irritating vocals, a dose of decent riffs and ideas, spice it up with some Danzig-esqe influences and a 100 gallon plastic bag of quite shitty, irrelevant material… There you go: Angel Blake. You can do without it, for sure. 3

Kampfar: The Crown was an awesome band, Angel Blake isn’t even close. See, herein are two members who used to rock out in the now defunct ensemble, namely Tervonen and Saarenpää. Safe to say I’m very fucking surprised to find them in a power metal like band, and that one fronted by one of the blandest vocalists ever. Hello, Mr. Staleone. The music isn’t ace either, as it comes across as rather powerless and defeated, but this lot would sure have been better off without Mr. Staleone trying to do vocals. Fuck off. 3

Hanging Limbs: Is there some kind of Swedish law that every AA must have some kind of mid-paced, semi-catchy, goth rock bullshit? Is there an addendum to the law that it must also suck? Sweden is a weird place. 4

Stephen Fallen: The descriptor “dark heavy metal” is almost always a euphemism for “shitty heavy metal”. Dark is one of those words people fall back on when they can’t think of anything intelligent to add to the conversation. Dark means mediocrity, it means the product at hand is a vacant lot of anti-creativity, it means a child is trying to add maturity to something mired in immaturity. Dark is also the condition of your stools if you eat a lot of blueberries. Angel Blake is definitely dark heavy metal. 2

Abyss: Reunite The Crown, please? Because this isn’t anything at all, neither good or bad. No wait, strike that. It’s definitely closer to bad then good. Imagine a souped up Bronx Casket Company with less going for them, that’s Angel Blake. 4

Seker: Oh look, another post-Crown project. It’s about as good as the other ones (read: it sucks). No, naming your band after a Danzig song ain’t gonna get you extra points. 3

Dokken: Lightning strikes again

3/10

Lord K: I hope lightning strikes Dokken dead. Twice. 2

Kampfar: I would like to inform Don Dokken that his band’s music, while well-played and professional, has lesser balls than Wham, and that after a sex-change operation on their gay behalf. And, why the voice-overs? It’s not like the net has been teeming to hear Don Dokken tell about his love life, or lack thereof, for the 248th time. In addition it sounds like their Italian label found the least suitable cunt and made him say the line without practicing first. Bottomline is: fucking predictable as 2+2 this. Fuck off. 2

Hanging Limbs: There’s not much to be said about a band whose best song was written for a horror movie sequel. At least it’s better than last month’s Whitesnake snoozefest. 4

Stephen Fallen: Hahaha, man sometimes I wish it was still 1984. Okay, I don’t ever wish that, and this album is crappy. 4

Abyss: This is where I slam this album to pieces and compare Dokken with obscure death bands that are sooo much better. Right? Nope, this is where I say that had this been Global AOR-domination I would’ve said that this is almost decent rock, like a weak and puny Thunder. Either way it doesn’t belong on GD. Besides, Demilich is sooo much better! 3

Seker: Well, you could listen to the new Dokken album, but then I’d probably have to call you a faggot. You faggot! Why don’t you go listen to something good, like Deep Purple or something? 3

Deicide: Till death do us part

2.7/10

Lord K: The Deicide of today is a disgrace. Not even Glenda’s vocals are good anymore. And Ralph Gorilla’s solos are still the most misplaced ones in a death metal band ever. The production makes Grave’s “Dominion VIII” sound like something by Timbaland. It’s been 13 fucken years since Deicide released something noteworthy (“Once upon the penis”), you could safely say that it’s time to terminate this poor excuse for a band coz they have pissed long enough on their legacy. 3

Kampfar: Deicide is nowadays a shit band, and this much due to a once fine growler not committing suicide, as he indeed promised to. The vacuum cleaner approach of Mr. Cunton is mixed so loud, and is so mind numbingly generic, it makes it really rather hard to concentrate on the music beneath. Hand him the rope, tie him up even, for this band would be better off without his shit. I kid you not, his babbling and moaning is for Deicide the equivalent of CO2 to your lungs. Fuck off. 3

Hanging Limbs: It’s hard to believe Glen Benton is a legend in the death metal scene. Bentoncide’s last disc was pretty good, so this is a major disappointment to even the most casual fan death metal fan. If only death will do this album and me part, then by all means, run me through with a butter knife. 3

Stephen Fallen: Hey now, before we all shit on this album, let’s at least praise the band for putting some boobies on the cover. Bravo, chaps! Maybe a horny 13-year old kid will buy it to beat off to. No one is dumb enough to buy “Till Death Do Us Part” to listen to it. 3

Abyss: After a brief peak with “The stench of redemption” it’s nice to see Deicide back in mediocre territories. There’s very little in the way of memorable songs and Glen sings worse then ever. Bravo! All is right in the world again. The fact that I rate this equal to Dokken really says more about Deicide than Dokken. 3

Seker: Fuck off Ralph Santolla fuck off Ralph Santolla fuck off Ralph Santolla fuck off Ralph Santolla fuck off Ralph Santolla fuck off Ralph Santolla… and fuck you too Glen and Steve and Jacky Jack from shitty Cannibal Corpse for ruining one of the best bands around. 1